2009: The Year in Review

As the year draws to a close, I thought I would take a look back and share with you what my 2009 journey has been. It's been an interesting and challenging year, and anyone looking in from the outside might characterize it as a difficult year of loss. While it is true that there have been some big losses in my life this past year, I have gained far more than I've lost and the Lord has truly blessed me with love, joy, and His grace.

I've journaled previously about the fortune cookie I received a little over a year ago while serving a meal for the homeless at the Vineyard Church. The fortune read, “There are big changes for you, but you will be happy.” I recently had the opportunity to reflect on that fortune. Even as I read it, I felt that God was trying to tell me something. I felt like He was trying to prepare me for the big changes that were about to rain down on my life, and to let me know it was going to be okay.

So, this past year was about trusting in Him and knowing that no matter how scary things got in any given moment, I would trust Him to lead me out of it to a better place. That trust was not misplaced. At the beginning of the year, I learned a prayer from a sermon on living an extraordinary life in Jesus. The prayer was simply, “God, I will do anything and go anywhere you want; just let me know.” It's a simple prayer, but intensely scary to pray. That prayer required trust and acceptance that I'm not in charge, and if I just turn my will over to God, He'll take me to extraordinary places that I never could have reached on my own.

I prayed that prayer off and on through the year. I only prayed it when I could really, really mean it. Some days, it was easier to mean it than others. Occasionally, throughout the year, I wondered where God would lead me, and I wondered when He would answer that prayer.

This Thanksgiving, as I looked back through the year, I suddenly realized that God has been answering that prayer all along, and He has definitely led me to some extraordinary places that I wouldn't have been able to reach on my own.

That fortune I mentioned earlier was received on Thanksgiving, the first time I ever served for the homeless ministry. I didn't go there with the intention of joining the homeless ministry, but when I left that evening, I knew that God had given me a heart for it. I immediately began serving through the homeless ministry on a regular basis and by this Thanksgiving, I had become co-leader of the ministry and helped plan and run this year's Thanksgiving Dinner.

Last Thanksgiving (2008), I was living alone in a condo I loved but couldn't afford. I was wondering how I was going to make ends meet, and I was wondering if my business was going to survive the economic crisis that our country was just entering. My beloved cat, Wesser, was getting up in years, and I would occasionally watch her breathe as she slept because I was concerned about her age. I wondered if one time I would check her and she wouldn't be breathing. The thought of it hurt and frightened me. I knew that it would be difficult to lose her, and I knew that my house would be lonely and empty without her. I was in a failing relationship, and it was breaking my heart because I thought everything about that relationship was meant to be.

From that time to now, everything has changed. And, I'm happier than I've been in years. For the first time in well over a decade, I feel like myself. I feel at home with myself. It's a good feeling. And, it is a gift from God, because it is through trusting Him that I was able to find myself, my peace, and my joy again.

This year, I lost my condo to foreclosure (and I'm still going through bankruptcy in order to get out from under the mountain of debt that resulted). I also lost the crippling mortgage payments. I'm now in an apartment that I like and can afford.

My failing relationship ended at the beginning of this year, but by the middle of the year, I was in a relationship with Chris. For the first time in my life, I am in a relationship in which God is the center. I have never been more balanced, more confident, and more secure in any relationship in my life.

And, although I started the year wondering if I would have to close the doors on my business, it had turned around by summer. And, by the end of the year, we reached a level of success that we haven't previously experienced in the business. It gives us hope moving into the new year. I won't say the money is rolling in yet, but we are reaching a new level in our business.

And, of course, as I described in my previous entry, I lost my beloved Wesser this year. That was difficult, and I still miss her terribly. But, God provided a blessing here too. He made sure I wouldn't be alone by providing me with a roommate that has not only become a good friend, but has become like family to me. Although my sweet girl is gone and I miss her very much, I am not alone, nor am I lonely.

Thanks to the Lord, I have had a year filled with blessings in the midst of difficult challenges and loss. One of the things you should know about God is that He doesn't necessarily take all your troubles away. He just meets you in the middle of them and somehow makes them easier to deal with. Maybe it's because you realize you don't have to face them alone. He also uses them as an opportunity to teach you some really amazing things and to draw you closer to Him. It's a pretty outstanding experience.

So, how did God use my experiences to teach me and draw me closer to Him?

Through all of the loss, I discovered myself. I discovered trust in God. I discovered new friendships, love, and inner peace. I discovered what's really important to me. I discovered the love of my Lord and Savior. I discovered that life is so much better with Him guiding it.

I'm just so grateful for the way God has been moving in my life. As the year—and the decade—draws to a close, I find myself looking forward to the ways He will be working in my life in the year to come. I feel like I'm finally living the life I'm meant to live and am the me I was born to be. And that's not because of anything I've done; I'm just living in relationship with my God. And it has been life changing. My greatest hope and prayer is that all of the people in my life would be able to experience the peace, love and joy that I've experienced through my relationship with God.

God bless all of you in the New Year.